Pascal Derrien

5 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Inside Out

Inside Out

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My memory drawers are no longer in the right order but not any longer I think about it with terror I have separated with myself and I, around me they pretend that's everything is alright, they say that I just got to sit tight 

However I know that my substance has slowly been replaced by absence, many of my souvenirs are eradicated whereas others are very often fabricated

I am no hen living in a grange so I find it strange that they often use the word re-arrange, have you ever noticed that dementia has the same ending than the word asphyxia

In the end I don't really care if my bread is white or brown because they would not let me go to town

They say my head is all upside down.


I no longer remember if I am an adult or a child

But it does not really matter now if I am wise or if I am getting a little bit wild 


Each time I attempt a trip at the brain it seems such a task so vain it seems so insane

I appreciate I am sometimes on auto repeat, I realize I have lost my grit

I find that silence brings lucidity, a welcome respite, a new found ability to deal with all that oddity

Isn't it weird that I cannot stand wearing a beard, it's probably because the guys from ZZ Top have come up with a plot  


I no longer remember if I am an adult or a child

So it does not really matter if I am wise or if I am getting a little bit wild 


I forgot the oven was on but how come since I clearly remember I was there with my cooking gloves on

Possibly its just because I sat on the stairs with the drowning intensity of a glare so bare

I know that I left the keys on the table, Galileo knew that the earth moves around the sun

So why suddenly do I have  such a fascination with the purchase of a gun

oh tis four, it's time to eat the jam from the bun?


I no longer remember if I am an adult or a child

Do you think it does matter if I am a little bit wise or if I am getting absolutely wild? 


Yeah I know I talk a lot to my spoon its because cutlery citizens are nice, did you know that so many of them were living on the moon

I overheard the word cocoon, somebody called me a buffoon alas its time to watch my favorite cartoon

I called my daughter mummy, well I think it was my daughter or maybe it was my doctor

I find she has lovely eyes which are always perfectly blue when she cries

Don't you think that regression rimes well with diminution?

Would it be worth trying to pair it with restoration?    


I no longer remember if I am an adult or a child

It does not really matter if you cannot pass me the extinguisher

I doubt it would help quenching the last flames of desire?

The butter cream smothered the cake, no more wishes I want to make

So I guess it does indicate it's probably time to muffle the life term

Part take



Sources

People & stuff


Photo Credit

Mama in your eyes


Produced for beBee

Written Material Copyright 2018 -Pascal Derrien-

#Photo Credit #Galileo #ZZ Top #asphyxia #Out
Comments

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #43

#50
thanks for saying I wont ask why.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #42

#48
ah thank you Allen kind words so much appreciated

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #41

#46
thanks Jennifer kind words much appreciated

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #40

#44
thanks for sharing this link I read in Spanish first but glad there was an English version to help me bridge some gaps as always you are very thoughtful Julio Angel \ud83d\udc1dLopez Lopez

Julio Angel 🐝Lopez Lopez

5 years ago #39

https://www.bebee.com/producer/@julio-angel-lopez-lopez/un-billete-para-la-luna-a-ticket-for-the-moon-in-english-version-down From this text the thing has been getting worse. I hope the translation is not all bad.

Julio Angel 🐝Lopez Lopez

5 years ago #38

#23
Yes my father.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #37

#41
many thanks Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee appreciate you dropping by , my best gurgle to you :-)

Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

5 years ago #36

So very good, Pascal Derrien. Such truth. We often leave this life the way we come in--gurgling like a babe.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #35

Many thanks for sharing that gem 💎 Joel #39

Joel Anderson

5 years ago #34

#38
https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/do-not-go-gentle-good-night

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #33

#37
thanks Joel Anderson I am probably nowhere near the reality of what they may experience in the end I guess it maybe nothing more than a simple exercise in applied empathy 🤔

Joel Anderson

5 years ago #32

Well done and insightful.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #31

#35
man many thanks Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador a little tribute to the forgetful but not forgotten

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #30

#33
thanks Gert Scholtz appreciate the comment. As often I take on stuff frontally I don't always find it easy but when it works it all worth it. My next one is in the same vein but different and its causing me problems too maybe I should write about unicorns and fairies :-)

Gert Scholtz

5 years ago #29

Pascal Derrien Exquisite writing Pascal, on a theme most would want to avoid thinking about. An eye-opener and awareness-expander to me - thanks for the post.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #28

#31
thanks Bill Stankiewicz, \ud83d\udc1d Brand Ambassador :-)

Bill Stankiewicz

5 years ago #27

Only 2 words, Mama Mia !

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #26

#28
I have read what you do for the most part of the last 3 years its raw, not for the faint hearted, but genuine and brilliantly written take another bow Kim :-)

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #25

#26
ah thanks kim wheeler very nice coming from such a talented and experienced human being :-)

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #24

#24
a very powerful and sobering observation Joanne thanks for that !!

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #23

#22
Thanks Julio Angel \ud83d\udc1dLopez Lopez I guess you are probably right there my friend :-):-(

Julio Angel 🐝Lopez Lopez

5 years ago #22

I no longer remember if I am an adult or a child. In some cases it is a blessing. Thank you Pascal Derrien

Harvey Lloyd

5 years ago #21

#20
We can laugh at it now as we experience the chapters. To share one of these adventures. We were at work when we recived the call. The inlaw was shaping up a dram playing out in our living room. Apparently the local news channel was in there wanting to question here about her all boss from twenty years ago. My wife asked her to go into the room and describe what she saw. She couldn't she was frozen with fear of past indescretions she new here boss had committed. We went home only to find the mid day local news playing in the living room on the TV. It was sad at the moment we experienced it. Maybe even a little anger in having to come home and help her back to a safe mental place where she could actually relax. But she has gone to a better place now so we can laugh at it.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #20

#19
I am so sorry to hear this and the experience you had :-( , dementia is widespread enough but nobody really speak (or want to) about it its painful to see individuals being erased overnight almost from society contributor to burden. Thanks for commenting Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

5 years ago #19

I experienced this first hand with my mother-in-law. We cared for her in her home then in our own. When i looked into the eyes of Dementia i cried. A frightened child inside a wise body that could no longer find reality in thought. What a miserable place to find yourself. You did great justice to the expression and the existencial helplessness we all feel as we approach the person.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #18

#17
ah Jerry I am glad it struck a chord not because of the delivery or the quality of writing (if any) but because I have done justice to those who are no longer themselves. Many thanks :-)

Jerry Fletcher

5 years ago #17

Pascal, Only a few do I read every line delivered. Once again yo have shown me why you are one of that company. your depth of understanding and empathy are remarkable in this piece. You conflated not only the journey of three you know personally but also two that I hold close. Thank you.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #16

#14
wow I am so humbled by that comment , people like you makes it all worthwhile Phil. :-)

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #15

#10
Dude...that's beautiful! 'We only become adults when our own children need us to be.'

Phil Friedman

5 years ago #14

Pascal Derrien, I've watched you with serious pleasure on beBee develop as a writer and poet. And I have to tell you that your pieces are one of the key reasons I continue to regularly check the goings-on here. A terrific piece to my mind (what is left of it, anyway) and one that makes me thankful to have made your acquaintance online. Keep writing. And keep the faith. Cheers!

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #13

#12
ah thanks Neil Smith yes I know not the most uplifting topic but the reality for so many :-(

Neil Smith

5 years ago #12

I like this Pascal. It struck me as sad. Enjoyable but sad.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #11

#10
As always a sound practical advice at the ready Mr Ken Boddie :-)

Ken Boddie

5 years ago #10

We are all the children of our mothers. We only become adults when our own children need us to be. If our memories are stolen then lets be happy as children are happy and then let us put our trust in chocolate.

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #9

#8
Ah...God love you Pascal Derrien, for you have fleshed out this very ture outcome for so many!

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #8

#7
thanks Lisa Vanderburg to be transparent I have somewhat merged three distinct events I have witnessed involving three different persons but more broadly I just wanted to give a voice to people who are written off :-)

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #7

Dear Lord...sounds like you've truly been down this road (not my business to ask), but your narrative is too painful to have not been. We're talking on Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee buzz; https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/the-paradox-of-love Yet I cannot fully equate to what you've witnessed and suffered because I wasn't loved as a child. Breathtakingly beautiful Pascal Derrien - thank you!

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #6

#1
I fully concur mr Doctor (that's for the rime :-)) this post is probably nowhere near what one might experience but I thought maybe they could have a voice a day :-)

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #5

#3
ah thanks Ali for the kind words sharing and shedding some lite on the culinary specialities of your country :-)

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #4

#2
many thanks Debasish Majumder doing what I can :-)

Ali Anani

5 years ago #3

"In the end I don't really care if my bread is white or brown because they would not let me go to town". They say my head is all upside down". I smiled while reading these two lines from your buzz Pascal Derrien. I wonder if you would care if your eggs were brown or white!!! In Jordan we have a meal whose translation is upside down because we have to empty the cooking pan upside down so that the meet would come at the top and above rice. So, sometimes having things upside down be be for a purpose. No fire extinguisher would extinguish the burning flame in which you wrote this exceptional quality buzz. Shared.

Debasish Majumder

5 years ago #2

absolutely fascinating buzz Pascal Derrien! enjoyed immensely and shared. thank you for the buzz.

Ian Weinberg

5 years ago #1

While those who claim to be "together" are coming apart with anxiety and depression while their psychiatrists are trying to park them in a parallel universe - permanently! And then there are those with full faculties that are trying to pickle the working parts with a bottle or two as often as they can. So who knows where this story goes Pascal Derrien - might as well just enjoy the ride.

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