Pascal Derrien

5 years ago · 1 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Excuse Me If I Am Not Sorry

Excuse Me If I Am Not Sorry

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It used to be only when my world was grey that I didn’t know what to say

It used to be overly fractal until I realized it had become emotionally horizontal

I used to say I wish I would never grow old that I would never grow bold but really I didn’t really care about what was going to unfold

Even when the rain took you to the pain train it was obvious I did not give a shit about what was going on in your brain

You talked about happiness I vaguely answered emptiness, you proposed a hope fest and I came up with an empty nest as my absolute best

I used to think about anger with sheer terror but long ago I had begun to be unimpressed by your torpor

It should have not brought a big frown to see you down to see you perform like a clown

What f I had refused to sign up for your mission, what If I had not given a toss about your fake compassion

I hated being surrounded by your clique and remained defeated by your dishonesty so conveniently pathetic

What If I had said this was pure fiction, would you have stopped to look for an hypothetical accentuation

What were the people going to say there was a mention, perhaps many would came to see a tormented prey in a fab mansion

Excuse if I am not sorry that I was so glad to no longer be part of your story 

Excuse me if I am not sorry for having spoiled your sordid party

Excuse me If I am not sorry for saying it to your face

From your existence without a trace

Disappearing I could not wait 



Sources

People & stuff

Photo Credit

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Produced for beBee

Written Material 2018 Copyright - Pascal Derrien -


 


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Comments

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #23

#28
thanks CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit this is a very comprehensive comment and I am glad you took time to lay out your thoughts about the You and I 🧐

CityVP Manjit

5 years ago #22

The challenging part of this for me is in recognizing that the YOU and I is the same person and what creates uncertainty in this stream of consciousness is the doubt that the I here is more wiser than the You. That is a different view than the YOU-YOU and OTHER-YOU I outlined in my buzz "The CityVP Window" https://www.bebee.com/producer/@cityvp/the-cityvp-window which is the personal rather than impersonal relationship with the other you (relationship). This buzz touches the Monadic aspects in the CityVP Window. That power of self-reflection should be viewed as the I that is You and the You which is actually the Image of You. That image of YOU is only separate from the I by the way we have taken onboard what our experiences gave us, as well as what the image or hope we have for ourselves that is either not the "I" we are or the "I" we want to be. So for sure, just explaining what I am reading here leaves a guessing game, but that is the absolute value of this buzz - the whole purpose of a self-reflective experience is creating clues and guesses that we can then peel away. So it is not important to know exactly what we mean so long as the thing we run with is not running from our own truth. Only you know what the I and You is when it is unentangled - but so much better than being entangled by our thoughts and provide no escape routes for self-reflection. I like the starting image, I am a great fan of the finger of inner peace.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #21

#23
ah thanks for that one Sir Paul Walters 🙏

Ken Boddie

5 years ago #20

#22
Funny that you guys should bring up boomerangs. I was playing with one the other day and couldn't quite remember how to get it to come back. Then, suddenly, it hit me. 👳‍♂️

Paul Walters

5 years ago #19

Pascal Derrien . An absolute cracker!!

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #18

#21
Indeed the funny thing is I was working on two other pieces for January and this one came up as a boomerang in less than two hours I guess it was long time coming Praveen Raj Gullepalli :-)

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #17

#12
indeed John toxicity under the disguise of victim hood is a tricky one to debunk and nobody really get out unhurt generally the optics are sometimes misleading 🤔

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #16

#13
ah Jim as chaotic and imperfect is this piece it seems I have some how managed to convey what I had in mind thanks for sharing your thought(s) process and I hope you will find a way out 🤔

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #15

#11
ah uncle Ken don’t worry c est la vie ☝️

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #14

#14
fairly true Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador fairly true.......🤔

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #13

#15
ah thanks for spending your valuable time on that one then Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

5 years ago #12

i would have been sorry if i would failed to overlook your lovely insight Pascal Derrien! enjoyed read and shred. thank you for the buzz.

Jim Murray

5 years ago #11

You know, it's funny but I have been feeling the same way. It feels like I have been trying to distance myself from a lot of things in the hope that when I do, I am making room for other things, new things, to happen. Change is good. Restlessness is natural for creative people. I have been doing this all my life in one way or another. It feels like you are declaring that you are doing it too. As Joni Mitchell says "Maybe its the time of year, or maybe it's the time of man. I don't know who I am, but life is for learning". That's what I sense in this piece which is both poetic and chaotic at the same time. That's hard to do, my friend. I know. I've tried. Keep moving on, Pascal. It's really the only way to get to that new destination.

John Rylance

5 years ago #10

As they say Pascal "Better out than in." Followed by "Now say what you really think" I'm off you light a finger - sorry - candle in your honour. 

Ken Boddie

5 years ago #9

Jeez, Pascal, I’m glad you got that off your chest. Sending some chill pills your way. Hope they arrive before Xmas.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #8

#7
a candle how lovely 😊 I don't blame you about reading it a few times I am still not sure what I meant 😉

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #7

#6
indeed Doc need to get rid of the baggage in order to turn the page not god to carry the upsets in any respect ☝️😉

Neil Smith

5 years ago #6

Oh, and I really liked the illustration. Initially I thought the sticking up thing was a candle. Oops. 

Neil Smith

5 years ago #5

In the words of John Peel; "I like that." Now though I might just have to read it again to see what I missed the first time. 

Ian Weinberg

5 years ago #4

Definately clears the air and unblocks the tubes Pascal Derrien Authenticity in the current fog of fakeness and political correctness is as rare as rocking-horse manure.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #3

#4
cheers Jerry don’t worry about the words an acknowledgment in itself speaks volume 😉🙏

Jerry Fletcher

5 years ago #2

Pascal, words elude me at times like this. A line from the video hooked me "just keep movin' on" Know that you can but even though you "disappear" you will live on because of the words. And so it goes.

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #1

#1
ah thanks Kim Wheeler as they say based on a true story from a long time ago with some current behavioural sprinkles directly inspired from some gals and boys I have observed in the last few weeks :-)

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