Pascal Derrien

4 years ago · 3 min. reading time · visibility ~10 ·

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Are they not the best ten motherf*cking ways to be explicitly at Peace or what ? 

Are they not the best ten motherf*cking ways to be explicitly at Peace or what ? 

Are you tired of reading the same sh*t over and over again. Yeah you I am talking to you !! You probably know what I am talking about. I am damn sure you have come across all those dumb articles littering the net. You see what I mean right,  it's the ones you see everyday on social media, anything from the ten best ways to scratch your balls with your pinkie without any inquisitive stares to how climbing stairs in reverse will teach you nothing about leader sh*t.

If the above rings a bell or if you relate to it in any shape or form I would like to offer you my EXCLUSIVE free online TMWPW program (OK I cant spell right!!) or Ten motherf*cking ways to be at Peace or what? Don't thank me it's all right you are going to love my impractical program in 3 points. I call it the tree peas by the way. I know it says ten in the title but I cannot count any further than 3 either so we got to settle for that. 

So let me start with a question for you today. Are you ready to receive the holy corporate blessings and keys of knowledge on your first step to freedom and self empowerment !! (Man I love that sentence so much I could have a coachgasm !!! Serious ) 

Pea 1

Delicious and nutritious this is a widely cultivated Pisum sativum my dears. I am told it has compound leaves with terminal leaflets modified into tendrils and globose. How about that !!! Don't ask me what globose means it is not important to the program and I have no clue. great question though. ( maybe I should mention I did a copy/paste of the two first sentences on the net.. but there were no questions so I don't have the answers logic no?). 

My main take away on this particular section of the program is that under no circumstances you should dare thinking about surrender never ever that's the golden rule . This is in my opinion the only way to reach the very much desired and ultimate status of chick Pea in social media.  

Pee 2

Lets get on with part two if you are OK but before I disclose the second part of the program, let me share with you a very personal story. When I was a kid I used to mix up the term prostate and procrastinate.

I heard many times my mum saying ''I am tired of your dad prostate'' or ''can he not procrastinate in the loo like anybody else''. Those expressions had a deep and profound impact on me insofar as those childhood memories made me realize that the household temple of porcelain was probably the best place to meditate.

To this date I have kept on having a wee pee before meditation, it does help the bladder to shine and flush all the bad vibes. 

You know what? I don't procrastinate any more and frankly I could not live without going to the toilets (with a smart phone) and so should you !!

Pita 

As we reach the final stage, let me introduce a bit of Greek philosophy and someone whose writings have been super important to me. Pita . 

A round flat bread man of Middle Eastern origin whose artwork can be opened to form a pocket for filling, Pita was very famous in Greece and was also known as the pocket bread head.  Why am I telling you this? Because I want to teach you the most practical tip of this article, the final step that will truly seal and complete your journey. 

Gather your bad thoughts, get a Pita and open it. Drop delicately and evenly the bad vibes in the Pita , add two sweet and sour pickles and a dollop of fresh satire then refrigerate the whole for two days. 

The next step is critical to the procedure. when you take the pita out you will have to cut in two and make sure you get two bites in the morning and swallow three bites in the evening. It is important you follow the process and don't post any status updates. After two days you will start noticing there aren't' any side effects, improvements or changes, nothing, nada. You are the same hopeless loser but you can add the course to your social media profile.

That's the power of Pita absolutely useless like the rest of this article. 

PISS



Sources
Social Media gurus

Photo credit

Chamda


Produced for beBee only


Written material Copyright 2017 - Pascal Derrien -

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Comments

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #63

#71
good to hear Paul Walters good to hear 😉✋️

Paul Walters

4 years ago #62

Pascal Derrien nothing like a good laugh and a ponder!

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #61

#69
glad to hear that Aleta Curry glad to hear that 😉

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #60

#67
thanks Neil Smith & I are looking for partners ;-)

Neil Smith

4 years ago #59

Still chuckling. Thank you. Sadly with a bit of editing there are probably loads of people who would sign up for your online PITA course. Keep it up.

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #58

#65
Once you discover your inner pita the world is your oyster Gert Scholtz :-)

Gert Scholtz

4 years ago #57

Pascal Derrien And I always knew there was a funny Pita Pascal somewhere...:)

Ian Weinberg

4 years ago #56

#61
I like the 'joint venture' bit Pascal Derrien - Does that mean we get to smoke the pita's as well? This will surely get the healing juices flowing!!

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #55

#62
you are most welcome Joel Anderson I dare thinking this article is public service material, enjoy the Pita with moderation though :-)

Joel Anderson

4 years ago #54

Pascal Derrien Too funny. I kind of checked off the net for awhile and needed a good PITA to put my pickles in and get me out of a rut. Thanks

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #53

#60
I am so glad this is being sanctioned by the scientific community Ian Weinberg we can now set up a joint venture we will talk royalties later .... 80/20 something like that :-)

Ian Weinberg

4 years ago #52

So let me try and get my head around this Pascal Derrien From the psycho-urological perspective, to get rid of the evil prostate energies we need to procrastinate while we pea in a pita! Gotcha! I will most definitely include this in my wellness program, giving full credit to you. Ne'er shall there ever be a stale pita again!

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #51

#57
thanks glad the comments enlighten your day they make more sense than the article 😀

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

4 years ago #50

ROFLOL 😂😂😂😂😂 OMG this was so funny that my laughter ended with grunting😂😂😂😂 You couldnt have said it any better. Great poem by Phil and those commandments by Mr. Manjit were epic

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

4 years ago #49

ROFLOL 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 OMG this was so funny that my laughter ended with grunting 🤣🤣🤣🤣 You couldnt have said it any better. Great poem by Phil and those commandments by Mr. Manjit were epic

#54
:)))

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #47

#52
#52 I know I know I come across as the dark prince of the pitas sometimes but I am funny really well I can be ...when I want :-) Many thanks for reading and sharing Ali (cannot seem to be able to tag you anymore lately :-) )

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #46

#51
it would a pity for the pita if not Chas \u270c\ufe0f Wyatt my program is carbon friendly too :-)

Pascal Derrien. At least I am not procrastinating in sharing your buzz.

Lisa Gallagher

4 years ago #44

#47
Please do! :))

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #43

#43
you are a true poet Phil Friedman :-)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #42

#42
glad I contributed to bring a bit of fun to your Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador :-)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #41

#44
Ha Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher I will have to write a sequel then :-)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #40

#45
thanks Gloria :-) :-)

Gloria (Glo) Ochoa

4 years ago #39

ROTFL! great post!

Lisa Gallagher

4 years ago #38

LMFAO!!! Brilliant Pascal Derrien. Im still trying to figure out how to scratch my balls with my pinky though? .................................... I meant my bills

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #37

Those with prostate issues Should always carry tissues. And never procrastinate, When needing to urinate. Lest leaving it to chance, They end up with wet pants. IMO, Pascal Derrien. 😀

OMW! Guffaw, guffaw - this made my day, Pascal Derrien!

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #35

#40
thanks Melissa Hughes a bit of humour albeit a bit crude I must admit in these horrific times :-)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #34

#38
that's a very good one @tricia Mitchell love it 😀

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #33

#35
Ha ha!...Feel free to whizz away your wisdom Pascal Derrien;-)

CityVP Manjit

4 years ago #32

#22
Music would be their fusion point but whereas Pascal Derrien is more Salvador Dali. Both are originals but beBee must open its door to the masses and be more Andy Warhol - one does not create a new culture through digital means, digital means will create a new culture, then Pascal and Gerald must decide whether they remain renegades or emperors of this new emerging reality. We are united in that today we are rebels but even Bob Dylan was a rebel once but as he also said - the times they are a changin and as Dylan scaled so he changed and as he did it changed the meaning of the song from the rebel to the view of the new leader. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7qQ6_RV4VQ

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #31

#34
Meditation has been brought to altogether different dimension with those findings and I give it away for free Cyndi wilkins :-)

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #30

"To this date I have kept on having a wee pee before meditation, it does help the bladder to shine and flush all the bad vibes." @ The males of the species...Relieve the prostate before you meditate...Lol...I think I just had a "Bladdergasm;-)"

#31
hahahaha

👍👍👍👍, we will need to see more motivational posts like this... 🥑🍅🥒🌶🎉🥒#28

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #27

#21
Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee I know I know let science 🔬 take a look into this ..... 😀

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #26

#22
thanks Don \ud83d\udc1d Kerr

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #25

#25
Charlene Norman I would like to style myself as a post modern philosopher if u see what I mean 😀

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #24

#27
gluten free Bill Stankiewicz, \ud83d\udc1d Brand Ambassador for a better result glad it brought a smile to your face 😀

A great laugh 😂 this morning after reading and heading to airport, here in Newark Airport I am now noticing all the pita bread sandwiches being sold....

🥙 Pita for everyone today. Add some gyros too 🎯✅😜

Charlene Norman

4 years ago #21

ROFLMFAO ... best profound piece of writing I have read in a very long time. Well done sir

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

4 years ago #20

#21
you have balls. and you give reader's an itch to stand up for something

don kerr

4 years ago #19

Yippee kay yay!

don kerr

4 years ago #18

Pascal Derrien. What a rollicking good read Pascal. Maybe time to go for a bike ride.

Oh man--you make me jealous that I don't have balls to scratch.

CityVP Manjit

4 years ago #16

#18
Prayer from beBee Being In a world of Thou Shalt Not - at beBee it is Thou Shalt Thou Shalt use the mute button Thou Shalt unfollow people you have no desire to follow Thou Shalt learn to use hives as repositories of one's interest Thou Shalt become the Administrator and have the power to remove Thou Shalt focus on one's own learning and seek quality from it Thou Shalt be OK making comments like this because it is thou's thinking Thou Shalt be authentic and find the oasis which is equally authentic Thou Shalt run like hell from those who covet other people's wives Thou Shalt run even faster from those who covet other people's husbands Thou Shalt kill as in killer content - and say hey man! I'm killin' it, I'm killin it !!!

CityVP Manjit

4 years ago #15

#18
Prayer from beBee Being In a world of Thou Shalt Not - at beBee it is Thou Shalt Thou Shalt use the mute button Thou Shalt unfollow people you have no desire to follow Thou Shalt learn to use hives as repositories of one's interest Thou Shalt become the Administrator and have the power to remove Thou Shalt focus on one's own learning and seek quality from it Thou Shalt be OK making comments like this because it is thou's thinking Thou Shalt be authentic and find the oasis which is equally authentic Thou Shalt run like hell from those who covet other people's wives Thou Shalt run even faster from those who covert other people's husbands Thou Shalt kill as in killer content - and say hey man! I'm killin' it, I'm killin it !!!

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #14

#17
thanks CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit I am actually very platform agnostic on this one but even our dear beBee is starting to be flooded with stuff I don't want to read... Great sermon though Amen :-)

CityVP Manjit

4 years ago #13

What does this have to do with LinkedIn, LinkedIn is not Facebook, LinkedIn is not Facebook, LinkedIn is not Facebook - that is what you would have got if you had posted this to Facebook, YouTube however is still the channel of middle-of-the-road freedom but it also is the king of anonymous comments, You-Tube serves its function as a troll training ground, so that one day we can graduate to go on LinkedIn and tell people that LinkedIn is not Facebook. Yet if we were really kings of social media we would be going on Facebook to let Facebook users know that Facebook is becoming LinkedIn and then there is an even greater coup de grase - Facebook is going to become You-Tube. Meanwhile LinkedIn is now promoting the heck out of its new video function, but LinkedIn users have been slow to chime in with "LinkedIn is not You-Tube, LinkedIn is not You-Tube" and if there is one thing that people who attend Young Shaman training it is that screaming at the top of your lungs while dancing around a fire is actually therapeutically very good for establishing inner peace. So it is that our reaction to rinse and repeat and the daily wash cycle of the Internet should be loud and boisterous because while it upsets the natives (LinkedIn is not Facebook, LinkedIn is not YouTube) it has a quite calming effect on the person who would otherwise lose their marbles. Look at Brussup and all his efforts on You-Tube and it has not garnered him substantial views, think how talented you have to be to sing and play Imagine only with your mouth and the views are still south of 400,000 - so it is that unwashed masses do not have to make any effort other than pass around the same stuff everyone else does and my sermon today will not be complete if I did not blame this on the neutered and demented effects from being a personal brand.

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #12

#15
oh spell check where art thou !! :-) thanks for reading Jim Murray if you excuse me I have to give the brain back it does not belong to me ... :-)

Jim Murray

4 years ago #11

OK First of all. I love rants that are are weird I have to read them twice. Second of all motherfucking is one word, ask any black guy you know. Third of all, the 80/20 Differential clearly states that 80-90% of all blogs posted on the web are created by the brain dead. It's folly to believe that you will be getting through to them. They have their marching orders from the people they pay big bucks to advise them. Obeying this advice, no matter how stupid it sounds is only a means of deluding themselves into believing they're actually getting some value out of the process. Other than that I'm fine with this piece. LOL.

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #10

#3
you are more than welcome Lisa Vanderburg happy to brighten up your morning :-)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #9

#4
cheers and thanks for reading Debasish Majumder much appreciated as always :-)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #8

#5
Devesh \ud83d\udc1d Bhatt leftovers how a lovely thought that is :-)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #7

#6
I like your acronym Paul \ very creative like :-) :-)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #6

#7
Gerald Hecht I think you are here with is with a mission than none of us truly understand and that's the truth .... :-)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #5

#8
thanks Dennis Deridder I am going to TM that one :-)

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

4 years ago #4

Old Leftovers taste better than shit? I guess i have to find it for myself. Oh damn, just surrendered to the idea of trying shit :(:(:(:(

Debasish Majumder

4 years ago #3

lovely insight Pascal Derrien! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the post.

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #2

haha...LMAO Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #1

#1
frozen, overcooked or a la social media Numo :-)

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